Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

 

I just finished reading Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, and found it to be the perfect book to read at the beginning of a new year. Like all of Gretchen Rubin’s books, Better than Before is very well researched and fascinating from start to finish. She begins the book with the basic premise that habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control. We often use habits to comfort ourselves when we are worried or stressed. While everyone is unique, we all have four “foundation habits” 1. Sleep 2. Move 3. Eat and and drink right 4. Declutter. Each of these habits help to build self-control and subsequently should be the first habits we address when we are looking to improve because foundation habits tend to reinforce each other. 

When people are looking to change habits, generally the changes sought fall into seven essential categories. 1) Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables) 2) Exercise regularly 3) Save, spend, and earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate to worthy causes, stick to a budget) 4) Rest, relax, and enjoy (stop watching TV in bed, turn off a cell phone, spend time in nature, cultivate silence, get enough sleep, spend less time in the car) 5) Accomplish more, stop procrastinating (practice an instrument, work without interruption, learn a language, maintain a blog) 6) Simplify, clear, clean and organize (make the bed, file regularly, put keys away in the same place, recycle) 7) Engage more deeply in relationships with other people, with God, with the world (call friends, volunteer, spend more time with family). 

To successfully change our habits, we need to practice some introspection and find out more about ourselves. For example we need to ask ourselves whether we are “a lark or an owl?” Larks are early-risers, owls stay up late. According to Rubin, “research suggests that this attribute is hardwired. Genes play a big role, as does age…  Interestingly, research suggests that Larks are likely to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than Owls, in part, because the world favors Larks.”

Other questions we need to ask ourselves include questions about the way we best complete projects, “marathoner, sprinter, or procrastinator?” When we work on a project are we slow and steady (marathon), do we work in quick bursts of intense effort and deliberately wait for the pressure of a deadline. Do we overbuy or underbuy? I consider myself an under-buyer and so I found the following advice quite helpful “Under-buyers should remember that spending money to support a good habit is worthwhile; over buyers should remember that mere acquisition isn't strong enough to establish a good habit.”

Do we seek simplicity or abundance?  “Simplicity lovers are attracted by the idea of "less," of emptiness, bare surfaces and shelves, few choices, a roomy closet. Abundance lovers are attracted by the idea of "more," of overflow, of addition, of ampleness, of a full pantry. They always want to have more than enough. They like a bit of bustle, and they enjoy collecting things and having a wide array of choices.”

Am I a finisher or an opener? “Finishers love the feeling of bringing a project to completion, and they're determined to use the last drop in the shampoo bottle; Openers thrill to the excitement of launching a new project, and find pleasure in opening a fresh tube of toothpaste. Because finishers focus on their ability to complete, they may be overly cautious about trying to form new habits; Openers may be overly optimistic about their ability to take on additional habits.”

Am I a familiarity lover or a novelty lover? “For familiarity lovers, a habit becomes easier as it becomes familiar. Novelty lovers may embrace habits more readily when they seem less . . . habit-like. Novelty lovers may do better with a series of short-term activities -- thirty day challenges, for instances --instead of trying to create an enduring automatic habit.” Am I promotion focused or prevention focused? “Promotion focused people concentrate on achievement and advancement, on making gains, on getting more love, praise, pleasure. They eagerly and optimistically pursue their goals. By contrast, prevention-focused people concentrate on fulfilling their duties, on avoiding losses, and on minimizing danger, pain, or censure. They're vigilant against possible drawbacks or problems.” What do I value and find satisfying? Saving time, money or effort? What are my current habits and when am I most likely to indulge in a bad habit? 

The second half of the book presents a number of strategies and suggestions for using the self-knowledge of your habits in changing your habits. She emphasizes several things, including the strategy of monitoring. We manage what we monitor. “ Self-measurement brings self awareness and self-awareness strengthens our self-control. 

Scheduling is another important strategy because if it is on the calendar, it happens. Scheduling forces us to confront the natural limits of the day. I loved this quote that “what I do everyday matters more than what I do once in awhile,” and that “Something that can be done at any time is often done at no time.” 

When trying to change a habit, is it easier for us to moderate or to abstain? “Abstainers do better when they follow all or nothing habits. Moderators by contrast are people who do better when they indulge moderately. Abstinence takes zero mental effort.”

Convenience (the amount of effort, time, or decision making required), If-then (pre-planning for various scenarios), distraction, paring habits, clarifying habits, and rewards (“The best reward of a thing well done is to have done it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson) are other strategies that she addresses. 

For me the most important thing I gained by reading this book was more self-knowledge. It was the perfect read for making New Year’s Resolutions, but would honestly be helpful at any point in the year. 

And now, here are a few of my goals for 2016. 
1) Go to bed by 10:30 - When I was in school and teaching I was pretty good about going to bed on time. However over the last few years I've gotten into the bad habit of staying up late and sleeping in. I can't really sleep in anymore now that my oldest has started school, and the combination of staying up late and waking up early has left me feeling pretty exhausted for the past few months. I also without fail get migraines when I stay up too late. One week into 2016 and I've been following this 10:30 bedtime very well and I am feeling a lot less exhausted.

2. Read 50 books - I want to model good habits for my girls and I love to read so I figure it is the perfect goal for the year since my oldest is in the process of learning how to read.

3. Improve my photography skills - I plan on doing this by taking some classes (I signed up for a course that starts in a few days), learning how to use my new camera (by using it a lot and by reading the manual), perhaps join Clickin' Moms or some sort of community forum, read more photography books.

4. Fitness / Healthy Eating - I need to do some more planning for this goal but for the month of January I am not eating dessert. I would like to join a gym so that I can exercise more regularly but I am a bit cautious about gym contracts due to some bad experiences in the past. So for now all I can say is eat way less sugar, eat more vegetables, and move more. I'd also like to throw in some strength training.

5. One date a month with my husband - We've been really bad about this over the last few years. For several years money was tight and or we didn't think the kids were old enough to leave but I'm confident that they would be fine now if we hired a babysitter.

6. Declutter / simplify - To the point where I am not constantly doing this! I read the Marie Kondo book last summer, but did so while I spent a week at a very minimalist and pristine condo and so I felt no urgency to try the method.